counter-example: good trolling

(a good troll)

Featuring some scary stuff on hypermakeupalleyism disorder.

Not just a matter of better quality writing, in the following; not just my value judgement, for whatever that’s worth, or not, as the case may be. Nope: here we have straight-up critique. Gingerrama seal of approval.

On the MUA Makeup Board:

And then on BB board:

Useful message to non-trolls, people who are sure they’re not trolls, people who don’t think they’re trolls, and those like me who spend a lot of their time in over-anxious self-questioning about every damn thing, all the time. I mean, have you seen the links up there on non-unethical consumption?

A kind of “LBGTQ” for the hetero-to-homo-normative spectrum of discussion-board activity. Questioning is always good and healthy, anyway, at the best of times.

HYPERMAKEUPALLEYISM DISORDER:
A TENTATIVE TWELVE-STEP PROGRAMME

1. Read. The. Original. Post. All of it. Not just pouncing on a key word (ex. “mineral oil,” “CDLM”).

2. If in doubt, think: am I answering the question? Am I answering the question that was asked: and not the question I think should have been asked; or that I would have asked; or that I think the person meant to ask, reading between the lines, and assuming all sorts of things–that they’re stupid, that they’re a troll on the hunt.

3. If you find yourself writing a rant about how wrong / evil / stupid / etc. a product or company is: stop: think again: repeat previous stage: and do some editing before clicking that “post message” button.

4. If in continuing doubt, think: is it important? do I even care that much? consider the following:

(a) Does it really matter?

(b) Is it that vital for me to add my comment here? am I so sure that my 2¢  is worth more than just 2¢–or is that pride and vanity talking?

5. Consider and contemplate: why do you feel a need, a driving urge, a desperation to comment? Is this symptomatic of a deeper need or anxiety?

6. Rinse and repeat as needed.

7. If you find yourself spending too long thinking about it, and worrying about it, you’ve been sitting around on MUA for too long. Again, BB can be very wise here–fun is poked at people who seem to be on MUA all the time (Gingerrama got ribbed too–but that’s OK, because I am the queen of multi-tasking. Until I fall over, usually in comic high style.). Log out and get on with whatever you do in the rest of your life…

From a classic café thread on the subject (click image for link). Yes, I’m still generally anti-LOL, but sometimes it’s the most appropriate and pithy thing. A LOLcat can speak volumes… See end of this post for the thread, and a couple of other examples of MUA overuse.

8. The next test: do you dare to look at BB and see what they’re saying? not necessarily about you (well, that too); but what’s going down there in general? Yes, there’s a lot of dross, and trailer-neocon silliness; and some might find some of the language, imagery, and weird wish-fulfillment dramas disturbing or obscene (meh–nothing on what turns up in my day-job, let me tell you…). But there are precious nuggets of truth there, of acute and perspicacious observation and critique. OK, usually more of the former–but many of the regulars are old-school classic trollists: forces for good, checks and balances, patrolling to watch for anything that’s OTT, getting above itself, taking itself too seriously, and generally Due A Fall:

He doth like the ape that the higher he clymbes the more he shews his ars.

(Francis Bacon, Promus of Formularies and EleganciesBritish Museum MS Harley 7017 f. 102 v°; 1594-95. More dramatic if you imagine a baboon; more likely to be a Barbary macaque.)

9. If you cannot log off MUA and walk away, you’re exhibiting addictive behaviour. Catch it while you can, nip it in the  bud. Ration and schedule use.

10. If you think the following is applicable to a MUA discussion board, in a non-joke way, then you’re definitely too deep into MUA and taking it too seriously:

To reply, or not to reply, that is the question

11. If the continuation (not to mention the scary rest) strikes an “OMG that’s so freakily it ” chord–

To reply, or not to reply, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing, end them. […]

–then some serious Deep Thinking is strongly, with all possible due respect, advised. Possibly also seeking professional help. As a first step, I would recommend paying someone some serious money to entertain you: theatre, stand-up comedy, anything that’s live, with other people, in a cathartic communal environment.

12. Also: the usual cure-all.

Oh, that. Yes, chocolate too.

Take a hike: literally–go outside for a walk. Enjoy the marvels of nature, free of makeup and makeupalley.

However and whatever you do: log out, close the lid, get up off your arse, go outside, get some air into your lungs and some oxygen circulating around body and brain. I’m not saying, “get a fucking life”: everyone’s already got one, axiomatic, what with being alive and all. But–remember you have a life and you’re alive. 

SOME EXAMPLES OF EXTREME HYPERMAKEUPALLEYISM DISORDER

With thanks to BB for spotting the following items, as I for one don’t have all day to trawl MUA–every single board–to find these gems. I must say, I do laud BBers’ dedication and self-sacrifice. Some of their most ardent and arduous members may well be 12-year-old boys skivving off school and middle-aged unemployed ladies in trailers, but their devotion to their cause is admirable, remarkable, albeit mind-boggling in all possible ways.

A recent one: incredibly long thread on the nail board–which, as BB spots most acutely, is one of the most dramatic of the MUA boards.

expand whole thread*cheer* I got a woman arrested tonight! ++ [Now with new and improved edits zomg!] sheilahnb 8/21/2011 2:02AM

I went to Wags looking for the last Revlon Fizz I needed…they didn’t have it so I figured I’d look for somwthing else. I see a mom with her daughter at some Sally Ho display painting their nails and the display with polish.

Me: You know, that’s not what you should be doing with it until you’ve bought it.
Horrible Parent: Oh yeah uh huh okay thaaaaaanks.
Me: I’m sure you already knew that though.
Horrible Parent: Uh huh I don’t care.
My SO: *walks up to Walgreens manager and tells him 2 people are opening polishes, painting their nails etc*

Wags manager walks back there where the mom is still painting her nails. Asks her is she plans to purchase them, she gets super defensive saying I was lying and he points at her nails and her daughters nails AND the display covered in wet polish. He tells her she will have to purchase each color, she says she didn’t know and tries to leave the store. As I’m not an employee I grab her purse from the floor so she can’t leave while another SA calls the cops. She proceeds to act like a total bish(no surprise there) and I guess a cop was nearby because within 5 minutes they got there. At that point I decided we could go, got in the car to go to the grocery store across the street. By the time we came out another cop car was there, she was in the back if one acting a fool. I went back in the store (curiosity killz yo!) and talked with the manager. SO is a people person and got the manager to tell us that the videos showed her swatching back there for about 20 minutes and her daughter showed them all the polishes they tried.

People. Fail.

I should just get a branding iron to carry when I shop that says “I’m a dumb f*ck and like to steal.” for faster and longer lasting punishment!

[EDIT TO ADD] Hi Cafe! I’m too lazy to keep replying saying that I’m not really happy about it so yeah…I’m not actually happy about it. I’m generally very sarcastic, dark-humored and a lot of that(if not most) does not translate well. *shrug* It happens, I could have worded things better or used less harsh commentary of course, but I didn’t. I don’t really mind being flamed because as much as someone asks if I have a life…they too are up at some odd hour reading the ~dramaz~ and commenting on it.

Yeah, I could have taken less involvement, but I didn’t. I’ve worked in retail a lot and the policy has always been “Don’t try to stop them, don’t use force.” and it really tires me that the people that steal know you can’t do that. I was in a situation where I *could* do something about it without fear of management getting onto me for breaking policy so I did. As I stated in comments below, I don’t tolerate theft or lying. I stole crayons when I was 7, I got in big trouble, after that nothing. Flame away. 🙂

There follows masses and masses of response, chat, accusations of urban myth-perpetuation, etc., etc., etc.

Click link in quoted bit above for more. Sometimes I just can’t be arsed taking screenshots; common-sense responses are obvious, otherwise there’s a lot of vacuous twattage going on. It’s classic nail-board chat, in that there are many words and there’s not much content. This one being one of the worst offenders on MUA against sense, reason, and feminism. Reason this bugs me so much, so deeply: gives women a bad name, wastes time and energy, puts back the feminist revolution and rise of gynocracy. See how The Man uses and abuses women, keeping them fussing like this, keeping them down c/o products and consumerism, when they could be taking over the world instead?

Café picked up on the item a few minutes later (2:11AM–OP 2:02AM): didn’t even need to run with it much, or want to. “WTF?” “FFS,” “Wow” sum it up nicely: no further comment needed. Hoist by own petard.

A few days before, on the Skin Care Board:

This resulted in ROFL . Seriously. My next thought was: premise for parody chicklit, say a comic continuation, a novel that starts out with the wedding-scene… not of course that that’s anything new. Knock-kneed walks down the aisle, a very blushing and glowing bride, some fainting. Imagine the grand climactic wedding-night: agony, probably for both.

It really is the silly season. Just the day before, on the Photo Board–where people post pictures of what makeup they’re wearing that day–an offshoot of the makeup board–and yes, there *is* a need for this, it’s a very popular board, popular demand, democracy in action, etc.–and yes, my thoughts on it are indeed unprintable, even here… this. Which is where that marvellous LOLcat higher up came from, c/o “fackla“:

FOTD: Black/Charcoal smokey-ish… Megan007 8/16/2011 9:47AM
[pic]
First is just showing my lashes, I LOVE having long big lashed any good recs for mascara or treatments? I am using LashBlast Fusion and Maybeline Falsies flared!
[pic]
This pic looks so weird for some reason… Hmm…
[pic]
See it a little better now. Yes I was taking these pics while on the HWY dangerous I know.
Products used:
NYX Jumbo eye pencil in Milk (for base)
Elf Charcoal Studio Line shadow (Currently 50% off online w/ code ECD2)
Covergirl black onyx single eyeshadow
CG Fushion Lash Blast and Maybeline Falsies Flared

I’m not posting the pics; if you’re a MUAer, you can see them on the original thread; if not, tant pis–as we all know, posting other people’s pictures online publicly IS WRONG. Here’s what followed:

Image at top: Moomintroll, from Tove Jansson’s Moomin books. Recommended reading. Recommended therapeutic reading–if trolling, if being trolled, just because,… See also: Wikipedia article on Moomintroll.

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