The onion is a beautiful thing. And when you peel it, the beauty runs all the way down, layer by layer, slightly different each time. Peeling the skin back and away: what a sensual experience. Then to bring out a big sharp knife, and–
As for The Onion, they offer some marvellous posts on beauty. After all, in the search for authoritative opinion, one of America’s best-selling newspapers is as good a place as any to look. They’re uncannily on-trend and ahead of the curve: the weirdest pieces are the ones to look out for. Truth being stranger than fiction.
Here’s a selection.
WARNING: Ginger O’Rama declines all responsibility for any effects on viewers, humourous or otherwise. You may not like or approve of all of these. Or any. That’s kind of the point.
- Artists Announce They’ve Found All The Beauty They Can In Urban Decay (07/2011)
- Daughter Taken From Mom After Botox Admission (05/2011)
- Guy Excited About Party Studying Up On History Of Parties (11/2010)
- Exhausted Noam Chomsky Just Going To Try And Enjoy The Day For Once (05/2010)
- Girl Welcomed To Womanhood With 4-Page Pamphlet (03/2010)
- New Homely Doll To Improve Self-Image Of Young Girls (06/2009)
- Elderly Woman Applying Makeup Most Heartbreaking Thing On Earth (04/2008)
- FDA: Juicy Green Apple Conditioner Best Used With Juicy Green Apple Shampoo (10/2007)
- Massive Tag Body Spray Slick Spreading From Jersey Shore (09/2006: uncannily prescient)
- Dove Campaign For Real Beauty Announces 2008 Presidential Candidate (03/2006)
- They Called Me Crazy When I Switched Shampoos, But Who’s Crazy Now? (08/2005)
- When I Grow Up, I Want To Wear A Bikini At Auto Shows (05/2004)
- Woman Looks Great For A 32-Year-Old (04/2004)
- New Children’s Book Helps Kids Deal With Pain And Isolation Of Plastic Surgery (04/2003)
- Nails, Hair Cared For Better Than Child (10/2002)
- Fashion Industry Pretends To Care About Plus-Size Models (04/2002: way ahead)
- Youth Is Wasted On The Young vs. Medication Is Wasted On The Old (03/2002)
- What Is Sexy In The Wake Of Sept. 11? (12/2001)
- Thin, Attractive Woman Accepted For Who She Is (10/2001)
- Girlfriend Changes Man Into Someone She’s Not Interested In (03/2001)
- Hollywood Diet Secrets Fall Into Non-Celebrity Hands (11/2000)
- Pantene Introduces New Behavioral Conditioner (01/1999)
- Area Woman To Get By On Looks For Six More Years (11/1998)
- Fairy-Princess Ranks Depleting As Girls Aspire To Be Doctors, Lawyers (10/1998)
- New Product Available (08/1998)
- Summer Slim-Down Tips (04/1998)
- Supermodel’s True Beauty Comes From Outside (02/1998)
- Federal Court Orders Cosmopolitan To Reveal Beauty Secrets (04/1997)
- The Ladies’ Hats Are Too Big These Days (04/1997: 14 years ahead, re. Royal Wedding(s) in 2011)
- Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit (03/1997)
- Miss Teen USA Seizes Crown, Declares Self Miss Teen USA For Life (12/1996)
Gingerrrama© The Super-Archivist. Proudly, bravely going through archives where few have trod before. Collecting information so you don’t have to. Saving knowledge for future generations. Leaving research-trails up in the open, so you can retrace them if you feel the urge. Encouraging such urges.
Bonus: fun with feminism via MUA café board! The topic has been on the rise of late. Nice mix: from the sublime to the ridiculous, as you’d expect; but the range from the informed (and smart, and right) to the –well, not–doesn’t always map as might be expected onto the range from educated to ignorant. Alas for the foolish, stupid, unredeemed… But focussing on the positive: the ideas are out there, in circulation, not necessarily tied to priviledged white women (= the 2nd vs. 4th gen feminist issue). There’s some great grass-roots gutsy instinctive feminism going on here.
- 2011-08-20, AM
- 2011-08-21, PM
- biggie, 2011-08-22, PM: “do you consider yourself a feminist?”
- same afternoon, this
- shortly after, a continuation–“I love the controversy I caused about feminism”
- 2011-08-23, PM–“I’m surprised that anyone would say ‘no’ to the ‘are you a feminist?’ question”
- 2011-08-23, PM–“what i really dislike about the hate for the feminist movement is how it focuses on the caricature of women. the words people use to describe feminists, at least in a negative way, are all the same words used by misogynists to hate women and their capacity to think – shrill, catty, illogical, emotionally-charged. it makes me really sad that so many women contribute to this mentality, especially towards a movement that highly benefits THEM. ffs, unless you’d actually be happy not having the right to own your own property, being considered your husband’s property and getting paid less than men for the same level of work, being thought of as dumber, lesser and less capable in every aspect – then by all means, continue worshipping men, continue doing everything in your power to please them and continue hating your own sex for the sake of demonstrating how “special” and “different” you are. but for the love of god, educate yourself on this movement you claim to hate before you hate it.” (rest of thread, responses, arguments, disputations, and fights here)
Image at top: Star Trek. One of my two favourite characters; the other is of course Deanna Troi.